At least I'm beginning not to care what anyone thinks. I shouldn't keep asking for advice when I don't want it.. but I don't know what else to talk about these days.

I also have this weakness for starting to develop interest in whatever the guy I like is interested in. It's not necessarily a bad thing, because if I really don't want to do what they like then I won't. When Mike was the object of my affection...I started liking the idea of 4-wheeling a little more than I had in the past. I've always loved the guitar and wanted to play however, so that cannot be held against me. I just have never had the time...never had the time, what a joke! We all have the same amount of time, and yet some of us accomplish so much more in life. Motivation...there...that's more it, we just haven't had the motivation.

Kristin and Kylle came over last night...five girls and then poor Scott (Krista's boyfriend). We weren't that bad, but we had energy and it needed to be burned. Laguna Beach marathon, which I think Scott was into more than the rest of us... and then of course some ice cream and good girl-talk. I found myself craving guy friends up here in St Cloud. The ones I had I lost when I quit my job. That's how the restaurant business goes; you basically are no longer friends when you leave the job. I don't know if it's a good idea to start meeting more people up here if I'm leaving. To quote 3 Doors Down: "Part of me is fighting this, but part of me is gone". I want to be here, but I want to be there. I want to be here in St Cloud for the wrong reasons, and that's friendships and the fact that I'm already settled in. I want to be back in St Paul because I have no interest or desire to do any other career besides church work. It's always been like that, whether I've admitted it or not. Sometimes I tell people I lost interest just so they will quit hounding me. It seems like I'm always the one who is off the path and heading in a different direction every other day. I like that about me.. to a point. I want to be back at Concordia, and I want to stay there. I want to have my college-passport revoked and be "stuck" there.. so I can't jump, so I can't give up, so I can't get scared and run away.

Oh so full of rambles that my hands couldn't take the time or effort to write into a real journal... by the time I was finished I'd have such severe writers block.