Lesson of the day... don't always be the one everyone can count on.

My friend and fellow co-worker, Kristin, asked me today at what point is it that I focus on myself rather than others. I couldn't give her an answer, because I wasn't expecting the question. I've always thought of myself as a pretty selfish person, if I want something bad enough.. I get it. However, I've had it pointed out to me lately that I don't ask for much from people (although my friends back home might argue this).

I have this tendency of taking on too many tasks, also known as not being able to say no. I'm a people pleaser, and for the most part I will put other peoples needs and wants above my own. It makes me feel good knowing that others are feeling good.

For example, I wanted to go out and get my hair cut and dyed today after work. Nicholas wanted the night off so he could spend time with his friends who surprised him by coming to visit for a few days. His want is more important than mine. I can do mine tomorrow after work... therefore, I'm working for him tonight.

Well, then there's Amanda. Amanda has a big test on Friday, and so she doesn't want to work Thursday night. She needs the night off. I don't have a big test on Friday, I just have to work Friday day. So of course I tell her I'll pick it up so she can study.

Now I've gone from having two nights off, to neither night off. This doesn't exactly thrill me, but then again I know that other people are having a good time with their night off (or at least being productive) and so I know it was the right thing to do.

But when does it come down to focusing on me? When do I become important, and at what point do my needs come first? I don't like asking for help. I don't like being an inconvenience. I don't like negative attention or even the possibility of its existance... so the point at which my needs become most important to me is when it is most important to my friends and family.

Example time. Kristina's grad party on Saturday. It's important to her, so its important to me. I need and want to be there, so I will do whatever it takes to do so. Friday night I got off for the same reason.

Texas. I need and want (more so need, I believe) to be there. If something happens where I am scheduled, I'll do whatever it takes to get out of it.

So, that's where my line is drawn, Kristin. When it becomes important to people who are important to me...that's when I focus on 'myself'.

It all comes back to the age-old question... "What do you want?". The problem is, I never know the answer until I know what everyone else wants. But right now.. I need to head back to work.