It was a little odd tonight at work. I found out something about someone that I didn't know or expect. Nothing bad, just made me think the whole night.

Thinking isn't good when you're a server. It screws with your memory, and causes you to mess up orders. Thankfully, I'm a waitress and therefore it had no effect.

Management thought they could pull a fast one over me today. I had put in my two week notice about a week ago due to not getting days off that I had requested for the summer. I said that if I got the days off I needed, I'd stay.. but otherwise I'd be gone at the end of the two weeks. They have me on the schedule after my two weeks is up. I thought that was funny, seeing as I still don't have the days approved. We'll see...we'll see.

Sonshine is in 40 days! YAY! :) I wonder if the true excitement is from the music or the memories. Maybe both. Last year wasn't that incredible... it was good and fun, but it was nothing like 2003. Then again, nothing will ever be like 2003.

I'm excited to work tomorrow, but only because Cassie and Nicholas are working doubles with me. :-D Meaning we won't make any money, but yet still have to spend an entire Saturday at the OG. Oh hurray...

God I miss him. I don't think I can do this anymore. 20 days. Then I'll know.

They've heard it's all uphill
but all they know is how they feel
The world says they'll never make it
Love says they will.

Ever had one of those nights where you cry for no reason? So many reasons, yet I can't pin-point the one that sent me over the edge. My faith isn't as strong as it was when I left St Cloud the first time. I have a tendency of always wanting to come back to what I've left behind. It doesn't help my reputation that's for sure. The truth is excuses suck.. and I don't have any left. I'm afraid to tell people what I really want, because I've been brave and told them in the past, then covered it up a few days later by saying I changed my mind. The truth is, I have no idea what I want school-wise.

The truth is, I want to be with him more than I ever thought imaginable. Why? Because he completes me, and no that's not meant to be a corny quote from Jerry Mcguire. I don't know who I am without him, and I don't like who I pretend to be when he's gone. I don't like pretending to be over the fact that we're never going to work. It drives me nuts, because I've never cared about anyone this much before.. and it feels so selfish to hold on to him when everything leads me to believe he wants to be let go.

But it's that smile. That shread of hope he gives me when it is directed at me. It's the shread of hope I get when his hand brushes mine, or when he gives me one of those full-embraced hugs that I never want to escape from. So many little pieces of hope, that if I put them all together gives me enough reason to wake up another day and love him even more than the one before.

I just want a reason to stay.